Evening Hosts Lampoon Trump's Latest 'Gold Card' Visa Program

Television's prominent comedians spent their evening ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's newly unveiled visa initiative, dubbed the "Trump card," describing it as a blatant cash-for-residency system for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Take

Kicking off his broadcast, Stephen Colbert presented a sardonic holiday song directed at the commander-in-chief. "He's compiling a list, checking it twice, and then giving that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "The President ... spoils all he handles."

Colbert's target was the controversial plan that enables overseas nationals to purchase U.S. residency for a sum of a million dollars, with a "platinum" option for 5 million. An official website guarantees approval "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to rich applicants: prior to you pony up, maybe think about Canada?" Colbert joked.

He pointed out that the program is also intended to "squeeze cash" from firms wanting to hire foreign workers, requiring significant payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get two free nights at a hotel of your choosing – if it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"The best vetting the government has before done," stated Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to ensure these individuals completely meet the standard to be in America."

"That's important, you have to prove you're fit to be an American," Colbert said dryly. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Roast

On his own program, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the visa program the "Get Into America Express Card."

"This is a card that will let rich foreigners to live here," he explained. "For a million dollars, you get official resident status, you get a pathway to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one significant crime of your selection."

"Maybe it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – forget about your poor masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he added.

Kimmel mocked the brevity of the form, noting it is "tougher to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "sees citizenship is something you can sell, like a condo."

"Indeed, the finest people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers discussing Economic Issues

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's plunging approval ratings amid financial concerns. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term because they were upset about the economy," he explained.

This week, in a attempt to address prices, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, and behaved oddly to boxes of cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them back to my place and have a lot of fun," Trump said. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a long time."

"He's so extremely weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers concluded by criticizing conservative news defenses of Trump's financial performance. "Perhaps instead of voicing concerns, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he laughed.